A Sweet Christmas

I have not posted in so long and now as I sit to write there is so much that I could
give you updates on it is somewhat overwhelming. The last time I posted I was longing for my little cherub. That feeling of longing and ache have stayed with me now all month. I could sugar coat this and make it sound really good but the fact is that during every special time in our little family's life I find myself missing Anna. This is not something I proclaim or let dampen the mood but I carry. I carry it in a small place in my heart and the pain of missing her radiates throughout me. This is just a fact. I pray whoever reads this does not understand this but most of us around the 40 year mark have experienced a loss....either a grandparent, parent or friend. I pray though you have not lost a child. Regardless the loss we all have walked around with a piece of us missing at some point in our lives, in some capacity. This is what it feels like but multiplied to a level I can not put into words. I look around my quiet house this morning and I breath in the Christmas spirit displayed all through it and in the back in my mind I see her. I see her clasping her little hands and saying, "Oh, Momma". She would have loved it. The colors, the smells and the festivity. My Anna was like having the spirit of Christmas with me every moment of those precious days we shared. She was so happy. As I wipe my tears this morning it is the knowledge that she is still happy and now whole that keeps me from breaking into a million pieces. She is happy in heaven! So is my Saviour! They are together and oh, as homesick as I am for both of them there is still work to be done by me down here. He has a plan & I know it will be breathtaking.

We have spent the last few days just Tony, Grace and myself really just being lazy. The laziness of a quiet Christmas at home. This Christmas no one has come to visit and we did not head back to VA. This year we needed one another, peace and the sanctuary of our home. This has been a sweet Christmas. Just the three of us. Including the white fuzzy one Winston. Winston got really sick after partaking in an outside item we could not pinpoint about a week before Christmas. I would love to say I did not panic. But panic I did. Fear of loosing him came just rushing in. When will I stop with fear and be completely secure in faith? I praise God that whatever he digested finally cleared his system without too much agony and with us not rushing to the vet(even though it was on the radar the day before he started to revive) for a $300 bill. I do not like putting things like money ahead of my family(including my dog) but right now we have started a new journey where every dollar counts. I know God will provide for this journey BUT $300 vet bills are something we REALLY want to avoid at all possible. I look at my Winston this morning sleeping in a warm, sunny patch on the rug at my feet and once again praise God for letting me have him for the last 12 1/2 years. He is an old dog but the best friend I have ever had. He has walked every mile of the last 12 years with me and has licked my tears away just like this morning. He is my quiet confidant and I thank Jesus for him everyday.

I know I mentioned in November that we were waiting for our PA from China. We received it on December 14th! That is when everything started moving really fast. Christmas was right around the corner and with work and then Winston....well, I am just getting around to posting the news. We have received the PA of our waiting son!!! Gabriel turned two the beginning of November and now lives with a foster family in Inner Mongolia the Neimengu province, China. He is part of the Baotou Social Welfare system. He will be known by us as Gabriel Scott. Gabriel just turned 2 on Nov. 10th and is a waiting child. Gabriel was born with two club feet which have been repaired(surgically), casted & he is now wearing corrective braces. We know this is God's amazing plan for us. We are so amazed on how it has all happened and we pray for Christ's hedge of protection & guidance on every step we take to bring him home. To say I am overwhelmed would be an understatement. I am scared. I am so excited and know that this is our dream coming to fruition....to give Grace a sibling so there is so much comfort in that. But, you knew there was going to be a but...admit it. I open the packet to look at the mountain of paperwork to get a dossier to China and I feel like I can not breath. My mind flashes back to both previous adoptions.......I felt the very same way with both. This is not because I am not "ready" or "together" enough to do this again but boy is it overwhelming just like before. Third time around....yet, just like before different. I wonder do you ever feel "capable" during the paper chase of an adoption? This mom really wants to....I have to keep the fear out of this, that is the key.

So my prayer today is that Jesus will continue to show me His miracles in my life everyday and that I will cling to them and His Word to find my way. I will continue to learn how to live with the missing pieces of me until I am heaven bound. That this adoption will differ than the other two because I will make sure not to become "overwhelmed" with fear, frustration and panic but to breath in every important moment and embrace every step that brings us closer to our Gabriel. Our little messenger this sweet Christmas. We are so blessed to have been given the most beautiful gift so long ago in a manger bed. A gift we are so undeserving of. My salvation in flesh. Now our family sees one more amazing blessing in the promise of our own son. Just like the angel he is named after he is our messenger this Christmas, a sweet message once again from heaven. I promise to show pictures later once we have gotten a little further in the process....you know me...always trying to protect. Merry belated Christmas to each of you! I pray you are blessed in the New Year!
Hugs,
Jo

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."