The Journey of Waiting

I will be upfront and tell you that I have been praying hard for courage and faith in everything. I have been holding myself back so much until recently. To really allow myself to hope in the sweet gift we are being given. I am trying to conquer the fear that I know only Satan could be placing in me. Fear to sap the joy of this journey. I know we did everything in our power for sweet Anna but the fear of China saying, "no" to us is just there. Like a little black rain cloud...like the one's in Winne the Pooh. I can do nothing about this but pray for faith, trust and courage.

Getting updates on our handsome little man helps so much. The above pictures were in our latest update which indicated that Gabe is now 26.4 pounds, 33 inches tall and full of life. He is running very fast they say and climbing up and down stairs unassisted. The update indicated that he speaks and sings very well. He is speaking a few words in English and likes to dress himself and imitate everything. Sounds like he knows his animals too. This update seemed to goose me into gear. We have started to decorate Gabe's room. We have put his bed up and started decorating his room in a "Cars" theme....Grace's idea. It actually has been such a blessing since she requested all new things for her room. Now, the "Cars" stuff that adorned her room(yes, my little Tomboy)and which was not even old can be used. Grace had grown too old for Mater & Lighting but said she just knew Gabriel would love it. I agreed. We are also placing colorful balloons(great plastic versions I found at Hobby Lobby(I just LOVE Hobby Lobby). It is such a sweet room. Finally I allowed myself to buy him a few outfits. I had to trust that this was not just a fantasy but that he would one day be mine. We have also been blessed to have some dear friends through Grace's soccer team who has a little guy of their own and they gave us 3 bags of 2T & 3T clothing. It looks like we are sitting pretty good for now.

It was hard moving things from Anna's room....honestly, it was heartbreaking. To move her chest filled with her little belongings into the other bedroom was so hard. It is like pulling scar tissue after a horrible injury. You know the wound has healed and the doctors have given you the thumbs up to compete again but the first day back in training you feel something "pop" & "crunch" a little. A dull ache starts but it is not anything like the pain you first felt long ago. So you have to take a deep breath and trust that your body will be able to perform....You Trust. That is what I am trying desperately to do. The athlete(the old one in me) can only find this analogy to explain it. Facing the fear of the unknowns and conquering the pain from past. That is what is keeping me busy during this journey of waiting. Desperately trying to hold on to my faith and trust in God's plan and all it's unknowns. The LOA. Three little letters that once we receive it I know I will be able to take a deep breath. A deep breath of thanksgiving and peace for the remainder of my journey to Gabriel. What an internal struggle goes on inside of me right now....peace of God and the gnawing unknown of the LOA. Good vs. Evil. Why did I for one moment think that would not happen? I have to continue to hold on to the loving presence of my Savior and know in Him I have no reason to fear.

How can I not smile and have some peace when I see this little face below? These pictures were a surprise blessing from the Inner Mongolian yahoo group I joined. One sweet member just came home with her precious daughter and posted several pictures from the cameras she had sent over before their trip. She posted these when they got home. Gabe is the little ham in the orange jacket with black stripes. My little "lover". Oh, yes, this is what I will cling to when the insecurities of waiting creep in. My pictures and the below scriptures that my dear Sunday school teacher has reminded our class of insistently. Wise Ms. Nancy says we should hold on to these as our lifelines. They will save us in all of our most trying situations! Thank you Lord for giving me such gifts!

Waiting with Faith & Trust,
Jo

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him." Romans 8:28

"God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13