Dates !?#*&!

This morning I woke up to utter something I have not in a long time.  "God Help Me", was the first thing I spoke.  This was what I said for a very long time & I found myself right back there today.  I start praying before my feet hit the floor in the mornings and I had been praying very clearly until the last few days....I find myself crying out only,"God Help Me!".  Knowing that the words I could not speak the Lord already knew.  The Holy Spirits presence I could feel...He knows the loss and He knows the pain.

Why are dates on a calendar so powerful sometimes?  To me this week they are very powerful.  August 23rd, two weeks from the day our Article 5 went to CCAA....so will we receive TA like so many have or will we continue to wait?  Monday, August 23rd.....two years & two days away from the date our lives changed forever.  August 25th....the date of the catheterization for Anna.  Today is the "physical" date....it was a Monday in 2008...a rainy, cool Monday.  Today is hot, humid and sunny....thank you Jesus for that.  Today, August 23rd, I have a 10 o'clock dentist appointment.  Have I ever mentioned I hate the dentist?  Since I was a kid, I have HATED THE DENTIST.  This is a routine cleaning but I have two teeth I know the fillings need to be replaced on and they will once again mention this and I will once again tell them not until after the first of the year.  We have an adoption right around the corner, dental coverage that does not cover this & a flex spending account getting smaller by the minute.  My teeth can wait, filling replacement & all.  August 27th,  the 2 year anniversary of sweet Anna going back home to Jesus.  The day I had to let go.  The day that life ended as I had ever known it.  A day that now defines me and my walk with my sweet Savior.  August 28th... our fund raising yard sale.  I am overwhelmed and need to get everything ready for Saturday.  Please Lord in your wisdom & will, please let us raise some money to help with our trip to China.  Please give me the energy, stamina and emotional want to get things ready this week.  Sept. 1st, the release date of "Recipes & Remembrances", Anna's Forever Families first fundraiser.  Oh, Father I know it was Your will for our family to try to help other families with their special needs adoptions/medical expenses....please let this be successful & let me represent & market this cookbook to Your Glory.  Today, August 23rd, the day I feel like going back to bed because my heart just hurts......I can not control it and as much as I want to be strong.  Instead,  I feel weak, useless & so weary tired.  August 23rd at 6:00am, I found this on my back patio step........

There is no mistaking the meaning.  I will never see a ladybug and not see Anna.  I would love to say it was alive, but it was not.  Not another ladybug in sight.  August, 23rd, my devotional read:

"Entrust your loved ones to ME; release them into My protective care.  They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands.  When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand."

Oh, Sweet Jesus, I am trying to hold on to your hand today.  I had to let our sweet baby go two years ago and entrust her solely to You.  I know I could never give her anything better but oh, I miss what she gave me!  Help me to find peace in You today and all this week.  If it is Your Will and Timing please let some joy come into our week from China.  Praying for good news of a TA!  Thank you Lord for loving me and all of the gifts you have entrusted to me in this life.....I hand them all to You to bless abundantly.  Amen.

Exodus 33:14
"The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."