Only One Thing Missing

Well, we have finished Gabriel's room and his clothes are washed and hanging in his closet.  Grace & Tony are tickled with the room and I have to admit, I am pleased too. You figure since really everything we have for the little guy is recycled in one way or another, we did good. You know I sometimes imagine what it must be like to have enough money to just go into one of those "fancy" children's decor shops and order one of everything without even blinking.  I do not know if I had that kind of money if I would still choose that? I do not think a "designer" set up could hold the warmth & love held in this little room right now. Almost every aspect of this sweet room holds a memory. The bed & school desk were mine as a child. The dresser was Tony's. The curtains, bed spread, stuffed animals and books were Grace's as a toddler. The toys, and some of the animals were sweet Anna's. The only thing missing is Gabriel. Tony, Grace & I stood the other night and daydreamed about him walking in the door to see his room. We all stood with silly, goofy grins imagining it. To see his little shaved head of black hair doing the Chinese squat to play with his toys. Oh, that day is so close we can see, feel & hear it in our hearts and minds.

As I unpacked the boxes of baby/toddler things that this roomed has stored since August 2008 I prayed for God to tell me what to do with each item. Some I threw away, some I put out in the garage for our upcoming garage sale, some I placed in the cedar chest & Anna's memory trunk for safe keeping.  The majority of toys,etc. I cleaned and arranged for Gabriel.  In my mind as I placed the "Little People" Alphabet Zoo on the floor I could see the little hands that once adored this hand-me-down from Grace. I could see her little smile as she hit each letter and heard the sound of the animal it represented. The quiet prayers I sent up asking for divine guidance on whether or not it was right to give it to Gabriel.....the undeniable answer to my heart's question was "YES!!". The fact is I want to see Gabriel play with something both his sisters played with. That is one of the sweet pleasures of being a parent is to watch each child receive happiness from a shared toy. The best example of this is a duck that both Grace and Anna just adored. To their chagrin and to my joy the batteries ran down on this little duck and I have never replaced them....(silent smile(LOL)). I do not plan on replacing them for Gabriel but I love the idea of him pulling it around the kitchen just as his sister's did. The other reason I felt drawn to keep so many toys of Anna's is it just makes sense. We just do not have the money to go out and buy all new things....just a fact. I believe though by the Dave Ramsey financial logic/guidance we need to use the things we have rather than spending unnecessary money. Two birds, one stone so to speak.  

So I have traveled through another crossroads in my journey after loosing Anna. As hard as this one was I feel relieved that I am through it. It was an intersection I have seen coming for several months now just looming on the horizon. The section of road yet untraveled and confusing at times. So like so many other times in my walk with my Savior I finally forced myself to close my eyes, hold His hand and trust Him to lead me in the right direction. On the other side of this crossroads I see I caused myself a ton of unneeded anxiety by trying to "figure" it all out on my own. He showed me last week as I faced the new route that sometimes we do not have to figure it all out.  He gets us through those rough patches of road a lot easier when we are not in His way.  All things do not need to be "figured out" or traveled "in one direction".  The goal is to always continue driving  forward. Sometimes instead of a four way stop, we find a traffic circle. We need to sometimes forego sight seeing a new area until we have the energy and heart to circle around and explore. So I placed Anna's few pieces of clothing that I had not been able to move from the dresser into what was once called my "Hope Chest". It holds the clothing of both girls from each of their orphanages, special items from our trips to China, and now Anna's special outfits that I just can not part with. I guess a hope chest is their perfect new home. One day I will be guided to do something with those outfits but until then they are housed with HOPE.  I praise & thank you Father that HOPE is one of the many blessings you continue to provide our family and the one thing that will never be missing. Hope in our future, our faith, and our family.

Hugs, Jo

Hebrews 10:23

"Let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for He who promised is faithful."